Corbeille

I thought I will write this about blog about travels I've done or I am on, but today I would like to write about travels I dream about.

It is few years I am hoping to do something crazy - pack up my backpack and just go. See places from travel magazines, live life I read about. Just go, don't worry about where I will sleep tomorrow, don't think about work, about bills to pay... I am so fed up with my life as it is.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I just need a little break. To have this freedom before I tie myself up for the rest of my life. I know what I want from life, but I just don't want to feel I lost something when I sighned myself up for family life. I want to have a nice house, good job, nice family. But I want to be sure I can be 100% into it. That once I have kids I will be 100% mother, without regrets, without second thoughts.

So far I have it all - boyfriend so great I don't think I even deserve him, flat so great it is above and beyond my expectations, work where I am paid good enough, have freedom, and where at 4p.m.I drop a pen and go home with clean head.

Until yesterday all this urges to go away were asleep. I knew they were there, but I was not forcing them. We just recently moved back to CZ, I am still in probation period at new job, everything is just settling. I am trying to change my life, work out more, get myself in shape. I was basically to busy to think about the deeper shit.

And yesterday - I met my ex-coworkers. One of them quit job a week ago, to follow her dreams - just have her own business, maybe not be super rich, but have enough to live comfortably, and do something she enjoys. To be honest, that is not what I want. I don't feel like having my own business, I am too lazy for that, I don't have motivation and truth to be told, no idea about WHAT to do either. Second co-worker on the other hand quit job to go backpacking. No plan, just an idea where to go.

And it hit me. It hit me like a wave. I knew for a long time it is what I want to do. I am so ready to start a family soon, but I want to do this last things. And I even know BF is the one I want to do it with, but he is... Not so excited. It is not his plan, he is older then me, used to some standards of travel, he wants more. I understand him, but it does not change the fact I wish I could go. At this moment I don't have money, time, nothing to do this, I know it would take me at least two years to save enough money to do something like this, but I don't care.

So now I am drowning. Thinking about the journeys I wish I could be on, living the live I want, but not being ready to take the next step in either direction.

Anybody to analyze me?:(